The Problem with Today: A Post-Op Hysterectomy Impression on What Happens When We Don’t Have Balance.. From a Millennial
The problem with today. I mean, the list could be endless, right? it’s a loaded statement. But I want to narrow in on one thing. One thing that we can take control of ourselves.
Generally speaking, we have isolated, and, in that isolation, we’ve become selfish. It’s because of that selfishness that we are miserable. A lot of it has to do with covid, but it’s because of our collective covid experience that this has become the norm. at this point, we are intentionally separating ourselves from each other. we’re comparing ourselves with one another at a distance. we’ve become so consumed with what we have to change about ourselves because we’re under this fake notion that it will actually make us not miserable.
our focus is wrong. when we are constantly worried and putting energy towards what we need to do to change us and make ourselves happier while also looking at tangible and materialistic things to fill that void, we’re not looking at anyone else around us. key word: tangible.
let’s segway a bit for effect. when i was a teenager smoking dope, i was infatuated with the idealism of anarchy. i mean, i was 15. why wouldn’t i be? i was a rebel with or without a cause, it just depended on the day. to be rebellious back then was to go against the patriarchy and never change yourself for anyone. today i think rebelliousness can look similar, but when we look at why we’re miserable, we’ll see that as a society we’ve accidentally become compliant. instead of rebelling by refusing to change a thing about ourselves, we are changing ourselves with the status quo in an attempt to belong and make ourselves happy in our isolation.
let that sink a little bit. we are so obsessed with the next best thing. we are pitting ourselves against each other. through our isolation we’ve allowed ourselves to be conditioned to compare and act selfishly in what we think we should be entitled to. we are trying to fix whatever it is that is making us unhappy with tangible and materialistic things. what’s more, when we think we’re being self aware or informed, we’re instead going around only listening to react, not to understand. we’re only focused on how we feel when someone speaks to us, not the other way around. we’re hyper focused on our space and our space only, forgetting that others around us deserve a space, too. see a trend? the balance isn’t there.
the real rebellious act is going against the pull of the next best tangible thing. it’s taking the blinders off. it’s remembering the community that you have around you. it’s remembering your support group and who you have in your circle. you will start to feel a lot less miserable when you curb your energy into making others happy, too, not just you.
forget the tangible and materialistic outward validation. forget the shows, the cosmetics, and the lotions. forget being up to date on the latest trend. we’ve got to stop letting it consume us. when it comes to finding happiness, these things are not the right things.
can you remember how long it’s been since you allowed yourself to just be in the moment? or the last time you truly did something nice for someone else? when was the last time you called or texted your family or chosen fam? your best friend? when was the last time you offered to do something nice for someone else where there was no underlying obligation? coming to terms with this is where the real work starts.
i’m going to tell you something very personal about me. in april of 2020, during the heart of covid, i lost my dad. it took me a long time to muscle through the guilt of chasing happiness from tangible and materialistic things instead of truly trying to cultivate a relationship with him. i remember in february of that same year, right before i went to paris for fashion week as creative director for a clothing designer, my dad had called. just to check in on me. i was so consumed with work that i never answered the phone.
“Hey, george. it’s dad.”
it still rings in my ears to this day. but my dad gave me the greatest gift in his passing; the gift of finding happiness by making those around you happy, by checking in on those you love and care about even if it’s not reciprocated. he gave me the gift of seeing life in a nonmaterialistic way, that what we have is enough. which is astounding considering my upbringing with him, but i digress (that’s for another post).
since his passing, my wife and i moved from colorful northern colorado to sunny southern california and we haven’t been happier. we literally sold everything we owned, including a house and commercial building and landed in a small 600 square foot single wide trailer. i called it our tiny house, simple living at it’s finest. we’ve since sold our beloved little house and purchased something a teensy bit bigger that better suited our then 5 dogs and 1 cat. but the point is this move taught me what matters most, both tangibly and intangibly.
what i’m trying to say is, i stopped chasing happiness after my dad’s passing. instead, i found it in those around me. i swore off working in the insane capacity that I once did. we sold all of the things. we made the jump. i didn’t have to keep chasing happiness because I knew I already had it.
the rebelliousness and resilience today is not being miserable. its remembering that we don’t have to always be pitted against each other. we don’t have to compare. stop thinking about you and your wants and instead make someone around you happy.
happiness is found when you take that energy and use it on other people instead of on tangible and materialistic things. try by making one person happy a day. extra points if its a stranger. then work your way up from there.
c’mon, let’s be rebels.